July
2008
birthday wish0
It’s my birthday.. fresh from a week out of town vacation..and i have lots of thoughts..of stories..to think about..to write about..to share to those who would listen. Ironically..I dont know how to start.. i am contained with my childhood memories…
Last night..while welcoming my 25th bday.. on a window side of a bus.. i felt lucky and thanked God..always thank God for the blessings I received..and continue to receive each day.
My life isn’t perfect( and who has 1 neweiz?) yet I’m happy. Despite the sadness and longing for my dad’s presence, I managed to live a happy life. God..it’s been a while.. it’s been a while the last time I shared this day with him. . Those times I always dreamt of havin yet it’s not possible.. I could still feel my father’s care in me. I can still feel him in my heart. I know he’s there for me.. and our memories..a happy and simple family will always be with me. I live with his words.. and I’m the proudest child to have him as my father.
Lookin at the window.. I could feel tears began to fall.. and shoot… why am I cryin? i’m happy..i am happy..i can tell that to the world yet I badly miss my dad. If only I could share this moment with him.. and I kept askin why other people tend not to care with their parents.. and s*gh.. every person is indeed different..
Some may say.. i am too much.. too emotional if I share about my dad’s life..
I always ask why it was too soon.. too soon to leave me.. when I was enjoyin a child in me.. and God took him away. My dad used to tell me to be tough.. Being a woman doesnt mean you’re weak.. and he would always say.. I may not be there for you.. and you always need to watch your back. And I would not listen..and he would smile.. and he would tell me a brat.. and he would promise to teach me how to use a gun.. a 9mm or a .45 caliber. Yes..my dad was a street smart.. he wasn’t a perfect person for others.. yet he was the greatest dad.. the most responsible man I knew. Life was too tough for him but he managed to go on for us.. he was a responsible man who loved his wife..his children despite the odds.
When he was battling an illness.. I never knew he would die.. I thought it was only a pneumonia.. a cough.. a flu.. I never thought he was fighting a cancer. MY mom never told me.. i hated myself for not knowing it.. Until know.. I long for my dad’s embrace.. the time we spent together.. I was my dad’s daughter.. Wherever he went.. whatever he did.. whether it’s a man’s deal.. i was always there. He would always carry me when we walked a mile.. He would buy me clothes and the things I needed even if I didn’t ask for it.. he made sure I always receive a gift on my bday.. from a simple gift to the greatest he could give. We did not live a well off family but he always made sure we had what we needed. I used to hear him say..time is the most important thing.. and now I understand..
My dad will always be with me.. the memories we spent.. the words and wisdom he imparted.. the respect and the love he shared.. and sacrifices he made.
Ten ..eleven long years had passed.. still his memories live with me. Who I was 10 years ago will never be forgotten and what would I become 10 years or more from now.. that we I never knew.. I believe in God’s plan.. yet I always be at my best to make my father proud. . being a happy and Godfearing person..being a daughter for my mom.. a wife for my husband to be.. a responsible mother for my children.. those are the things I know..he wanted me to be. 
Whatever I am now.. I would always make him proud.. and I won’t be my father’s daughter for nothing.
Happy birthday. i miss u pa.
