All I wanted was to know I’m safe
Don’t want to lose the love I’ve found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don’t let me down
It’s not fair how you are
.. but you’ve let me down..you’ve let me down.
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spend me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love love love to dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
Cause I’d love love love to dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I’d pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’ s dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
A day of mourning..
It still lingers on my memory the day I cried my heart out..
It was the day I realized he’s gone..
It was the day of the worst pain in my life..
It’s been 11 years when half of me died..
It’s been a while … when we hugged.. when he called me his daughter..
..when I kissed him goodbye.
It’s been those years I longed for his presence.
It was the day .. I tried .. I learned to be strong.
Despite the cries.. the sadness.. I will always be your daughter
and you will always be my dad.
I will always be proud of you as what you are to me..
I love you pa.
and that will always be forever.
I miss you.
It’s my birthday.. fresh from a week out of town vacation..and i have lots of thoughts..of stories..to think about..to write about..to share to those who would listen. Ironically..I dont know how to start.. i am contained with my childhood memories…
Last night..while welcoming my 25th bday.. on a window side of a bus.. i felt lucky and thanked God..always thank God for the blessings I received..and continue to receive each day.
My life isn’t perfect( and who has 1 neweiz?) yet I’m happy. Despite the sadness and longing for my dad’s presence, I managed to live a happy life. God..it’s been a while.. it’s been a while the last time I shared this day with him. . Those times I always dreamt of havin yet it’s not possible.. I could still feel my father’s care in me. I can still feel him in my heart. I know he’s there for me.. and our memories..a happy and simple family will always be with me. I live with his words.. and I’m the proudest child to have him as my father.
Lookin at the window.. I could feel tears began to fall.. and shoot… why am I cryin? i’m happy..i am happy..i can tell that to the world yet I badly miss my dad. If only I could share this moment with him.. and I kept askin why other people tend not to care with their parents.. and s*gh.. every person is indeed different..
Some may say.. i am too much.. too emotional if I share about my dad’s life..
I always ask why it was too soon.. too soon to leave me.. when I was enjoyin a child in me.. and God took him away. My dad used to tell me to be tough.. Being a woman doesnt mean you’re weak.. and he would always say.. I may not be there for you.. and you always need to watch your back. And I would not listen..and he would smile.. and he would tell me a brat.. and he would promise to teach me how to use a gun.. a 9mm or a .45 caliber. Yes..my dad was a street smart.. he wasn’t a perfect person for others.. yet he was the greatest dad.. the most responsible man I knew. Life was too tough for him but he managed to go on for us.. he was a responsible man who loved his wife..his children despite the odds.
When he was battling an illness.. I never knew he would die.. I thought it was only a pneumonia.. a cough.. a flu.. I never thought he was fighting a cancer. MY mom never told me.. i hated myself for not knowing it.. Until know.. I long for my dad’s embrace.. the time we spent together.. I was my dad’s daughter.. Wherever he went.. whatever he did.. whether it’s a man’s deal.. i was always there. He would always carry me when we walked a mile.. He would buy me clothes and the things I needed even if I didn’t ask for it.. he made sure I always receive a gift on my bday.. from a simple gift to the greatest he could give. We did not live a well off family but he always made sure we had what we needed. I used to hear him say..time is the most important thing.. and now I understand..
My dad will always be with me.. the memories we spent.. the words and wisdom he imparted.. the respect and the love he shared.. and sacrifices he made.
Ten ..eleven long years had passed.. still his memories live with me. Who I was 10 years ago will never be forgotten and what would I become 10 years or more from now.. that we I never knew.. I believe in God’s plan.. yet I always be at my best to make my father proud. . being a happy and Godfearing person..being a daughter for my mom.. a wife for my husband to be.. a responsible mother for my children.. those are the things I know..he wanted me to be. 
Whatever I am now.. I would always make him proud.. and I won’t be my father’s daughter for nothing.
Happy birthday. i miss u pa.
I am on leave..
having some time with myself..
taking it easy after a stressful week..
My health was at stake..and I badly need time to unwind.. to loosen up from the stress-causing life at work. I was thinking of having a new work chapter in some distant place..
Yes, I admit it..I’m bothered and I need to plan when to start lookin for a new career..
I feel so empty talking about work.. it doesn’t make sense anymore..I’m just waiting for the right timing.. and soon.. I’l pass this letter.. I’l surely miss my friends.. true friends I have at work and maybe, I’l be missing the moment when I hear someone’s cursing in front of the pc and I hear myself doing the same thing.. haha..sad but true.
And something caught my attention.. pictures.
My bestfriend’s pictures.
God, I remember high school. That was on our first year.. we weren’t close then, we’re block mates but we came from two different schools. Honestly, I didn’t think we’ll be best of friends. I had an overrated ego and so as she..plus the immaturities and tantrums we had.. ( I’m sure she’ll agree with this) But time passed and we became friends.. we were seatmates..we both enjoyed our Science class though we didn’t always share the same group.. and certified “malditey” was the word from my dear Sir John..of course referring to me.. and kept on pairing me to those who I really hated ( God..this makes me laugh now).. and that continued..God, I didn’t know how I managed to deal with those..
2nd year.. whew.. we weren’t supposed be together in a class but thanks to April (our batchmate)!! She agreed to swap with my dear ninia.. and voilah.. we again shared the same room and sched and teachers!! But after a few months.. actually..up to now.. I really didn’t know what was the reason for this.. we didn’t talk for months.. almost half of the class were not talking and we..both of us..started the trend.. imagine that? But that moment strucked me.2nd year was not really a happy moment for me.. That was the time I thought I couldn’t battle.. mid September when my father passed away.. ( and I don’t want to reiterate on it.. . I know he’s still there for me).. and this topic makes me cry..so.. back to school..yeah.. we weren’t talking but after a few months.. I realized.. or maybe we realized how stupid we were.. it was really hard though I was trying to show..was ok.. tryin to show though I was not affected.. and thanks to our friends who were there.. always there to meet us halfway.. and February came.. was a busy month since it was our foundation day.. of course I was missing my best friend during dance rehearsals.. and one day.. I didn’t know what went to our head and we hugged.. (of course..with the undying effort of our friends to patch things up between the two of us.. ).. we cried and we were sorry..and so the story continued.
Third year.. still ..we’re best of friends.. we had a group.. Spices? Yeah… I remember.. hahaha..this is so funny.. Spice girls moment.. and we shared secrets.. shared homeworks as well..and everytime our Economics teacher asked us to recite.. well you know what to do.. if the SOS thingy signaled on either the two of us… or anyone in the group. God…we were really funny.. immature.. so high school..and I’m missing those moments.
And lastly.. graduating class of 2000.. it’s a long story how we dealt with it.. those moments..the truth will always be in our hearts.. those times when I didn’t know who to trust.. when I decided not to join the JS prom nor the graduation.. when I felt the betrayal and unfairness of some people (but hell yeah…was over and it’s their conscience and guilt after all).. it was ninia who comforted me. I was really happy for what she achieved.. J honestly ..but the pain of betrayal and hatred was so strong that I decided not to share the gift of graduation.. and God I’m missing my bestfriend while I’m writing this.. and we know..we’ll see each other soon J
And so now.. I’m humming this song..
Ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold
They’ll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don’t you let them
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend
.. I’m missing you bess..and sooner..we’ll see each other..definitely. J
I can’t believe it
You’re a dream coming true
I can’t believe it
HOw I have fallen for you
And I was not lookin
was content to remain
And its ironic to be back in the game
You’re the one
Whose led me to the sun
HOw could i know
and I was lost without you
And I wanna tell u
You control my brain
And you should know that you’re life in my faith
You’re the one
Whose led me to the sun
How could I know
And i was lost without you
I can’t believe it
YOu’re a dream coming true
I can’t believe how I’ve fallen for you
And I was not lookin
was content to remain
And its ironic to be back in the game
sometimes.. though you gave all ur best..u still won’t be appreciated. the person that you love most would betray you.. would insult you..would hurt you..and at the end,you’ll find out something.. something that might kill you coz of pain and betrayal.
i know..you might read this..but you will never be affected coz u don’t know how to love..
i hate you for hurting me.
i hate it when you tell a lie.
i hate you for insulting me.
i hate it when i waited for nothing.
i hate it when you shouted at me.
i hate it when you think you’re right
but you are not.
you even qestioned Him.
but i still do love you.. and i did love you.
but to you everthing was a lie!
im mad at you but deep in my soul.. i still love you and wish you all the best. Some people are really lucky. .maybe im not one of them.
but what goes around,comes around!
.. finding peace in this vast world..
asking questions seem so nonsense..
and btw i just thought..what would ido?
duh?!..as if they care.. ..
cares for what?
cares for nothing..
it’s pure nonsense..
psychotic act.
and i realized..d*mn..m starving..
im stucked with this pc for almost 2 hrs now..
and i haven’t slept.
that’s my life..
livin the opposite way..
for fun..for some time..
a young spirited lass..
who met a conservative principled guy.
most say,we compliment each other..
we may have different opinions..
but we do have mutual feelings.
a feeling beyond your understanding..
a feeling that scares us all..
love.
..we’re friends..
no more,no less.
that’s a statement..so don’t give me that crap.
i enjoy your company.
i like ur humor.
i respect you as who you are.
..coz u’r a friend..a good friend.
that’s a statement.
i appreciate every single thing you do for me..
it’s flattering you treat me so special than anyone else..
i’m thankful having someone like you..
..coz u’r a friend.
and then you tell me this sh*t..?!
come to think of it..
you don’t know me that much.
again,don’t give me that crap.
it makes me sick.
i don’t wanna be mean..
i jst didn’t expect it.
i feel betrayed
and i’m upset.
i love you …as a friend..as an older brother..
i’m sorry…
